The Framed 1’s Life

Sunday, August 16, 2037
Seconds left to live…

998,574,766…998,574,765…998,574,764
(from http://www.deathclock.com)

I awoke with the usually-flush orange streak of the sky lost but greeted instead with a heavy, heaving and breathing gloominess. Its unusually cold in the room, and my mouth is bitter with a strong aftertaste of a coffee served by Death.

The previous night breezed through fast, and I know I slept at 03:00 or 04:00. Its 08:14 now. I know I read a few parting lines from the book “The Prophet” then immediately diluted the pungence of its wise words with a chimney smoke of secular trade and industry thoughts. It was like inhaling from a field of sampaguitas to attaching your nose to a muffler — two different widgets albeit working for a one REAL world.

I remember trading consciousness away slowly — the sight of the bright-green LED of my laptop pierced through the ink-black darkness of the room — to that of peaceful sleep. Forcing myself up from my REM slumber, that’s when it all ended. Though an ominous feeling (my spider-sense is tingling!) crawls through me just when I recall it, here’s how it started:

There was a picture. An old one (Or a newspaper cut out for that matter) and it stayed on the “view” of the dream for a long time. It was upside down, with a group of people standing by next to an altar. The oddity on this picture, however, is that its upside downess was the right side up — there’s ANOTHER image superimposed on the picture — two faces of acquaintances I met only once in my life.

Just when the thought shook what little consciousness I’ve got, I suddenly found myself in a gathering (Perhaps a party?). But it was markedly different in that the topic of death pervaded its air. I was back to staring at the picture, and it felt REALLY dark, ugly, and utterly evil; when a lady unanticipatedly approached and told me that the two faces there died just the prior day (in dream years, mind you). In a sort of Back-to-the-Future flashback, I found myself IN THE CHURCH of the picture, with the two guys there, standing (not upside down, like the picture). I saw them smiling and posing for the camera, but I seem to be the only one “seeing” the dark aura enveloping them like they’ve been marked for disposal.

They apparently had been neutralized by bullets minutes later. Just the two of them.

Abruptly, I was semi-awokened by tumult within the dream. A suicide letter had been found! And everybody clamored to look for the body — and fast! The letter was still freshly made, and I soon had it on my hand. It mentioned of the uselessness of it all, and a final bid of adieu then signed by a friend of mine in my High school years (I’m sure his not deceased as of the moment).

All in the dream were looking for this boy to save him from death. Looking above, at the ledge of the building, I discerned a bag big enough to fit a human, and with a panic-stricken voice, I called out for assistance to bring it out. The bag felt like a human tenant was in it, and it still had a life, though knocking slowly at body’s consciousness. Again, the dark aura enveloped it.

That’s when it all ended. I was forced to be up with a shot of caffeine from Death’s distasteful coffee. And the picture — with the aura floating around its upside-down subjects — still haunts my consciousness to this second. And it never fails to bring out goosebumps.

According to Dreammoods.com, a death in your dream signifies something missing in your life. Or that whatever that someone represents has no room in your life. I’m still decoding what it all means. . .

Ysa (12/9/2005 12:00:42 AM)

From: 639276571165
Msg: Hi this is ysa, ariel llantos sis. Im nt sure if uv heard d nws. My kuya passd away at 3am t0day n ch0ng hua. Pls pray 4 hs soul

We’ll miss you, Yel.

ME:

Why, oh why
does fear befuddle
the mind with implies?

THE MIND:

It is the mind
of the mind
that confuses the mind

Don’t leave the mind,
O, mind!
To the mind.

I’ve been back in PHX for a few days now but still not feeling any better. I’m simply anxious about what tomorrow holds, what tomorrow may bring, and what tomorrow can do to fuck you up. (Uesugi Kenshin, a Daimyo of Japan, once mentioned that he never thinks of winning, only how to be advantageous in a situation)

I love Phoenix, but, as is everywhere, money is a necessity (in society’s current shape anyway). Given a chance, I’d be a monk at a secluded mountain or something. Or beach. Whatever. Why? Who would trade all the headaches in the world for a simple, blissful life, savoring nibbana at the very recesses of the soul? Then again, there’s no progress in such a state. Had everyone subscribed to it, technology would have stopped and everyone would still be sowing and reaping their own grain (rice, wheat, or corn for the Americas).

Right now, I am not in a quandary, nor am I in a rut (just yet). Fabricating a future with your own hands is a daunting task; thank God I’ve had enough hands to help me out. Good thing I’m not in the crossroads like Genghis Kahn when he was captured as a slave. I wonder how it felt like when he was aware of his mortality in the inhospitable steppes of Mongolia? Perhaps it was the ultimate deciding factor that ultimately led him to become Emperor? Back as a slave, who would have known, eh?

I am ambitious. Perhaps a little more so. But I’m also a perfectionist, easily crushed to be compulsively obsessive about that one speck that blemished the entire picture. Its quite interesting how another picture of you unfolds once you step back for a moment and watch the chain of events like an untimed movie churning endlessly in your mind. That’s insight.

Although world’s are easily made, only to crumble, in my mind, there’s endless possibilities (possible realities) being manufactured incessantly — highways constantly being paved for one to take. Don’t you have that feeling? That’s anxiety for you. Here’s one of them right now:

I have taken upon myself the momentous task of opening up a company here in America. As it is, I am a foreigner with a vague idea of what I want and what I would like to happen (vague in the sense that opportunities abound, as is everywhere else, but the problem of deduction and focus is of paramount concern). I’ve listed down some objectives to be taken for the short term — namely research — before the fleshing out of the plan can be produced.

1. Research the state laws for foreign ownership of a corporation (There’s tonnes around, should be easy)
2. As trading will be the most likely candidate, I must also research the Customs Regulations
3. Customs doesn’t have all the answers as the Fed have the final say; it is imperative, therefore, to know and understand which clearances must be granted from certain burueas.

Well, sounds easy, especially that I have all the contact numbers and all, but you’d be surprised how many times I’ve had "Could you hold? I’ll transfer you to somebody more knowledgeable…" then end up nowhere? Yeah, that’s the way it is. Three Hoorays for Bureaucracy!

And I must seriously get some rest too. 2:54 AM. And still anxious.