A lil sumthin sumthin
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Sunday, November 27, 2005 |
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PHILOSOPHY MATTERS
Conversation and communication
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THERE are various types of conversation. I classified them into four, and each type has its own social uses.
The first type is what I consider “small talk.” This conversation is merely meant to pass the time. It is intended to avoid awkward moments when two people are suddenly confronted with each other, and there is a need to ease the situation. It concerns neutral subjects, such as politics, sports or the weather. It is supposed to be impersonal, although it can deal with one’s personal circumstances, such as one’s job or school. One should not make the mistake, however, of boring the other party by revealing or confiding one’s problems.
This kind of talk is appropriate for cocktail parties. During these events, one talks to every person in turn, by conversing about one’s background and matters of general interest. In this manner, each gets to know a little something about each person in the room. And, if somebody is interesting enough, it may lead to a friendship.
Small talk may easily degenerate into the second type of conversation, gossip. It concerns talk about other people’s circumstances, but in a way that disparages or ridicules them. One talks ill of other people, in other words. Gossip easily develops into rumor, which eventually may become gospel truth to those who have heard it. It has been the vehicle for the often undeserved ruination of many a reputation.
It reflects the basest part of human nature, and is a feature of those who take delight in other people’s misfortunes. Their lives perhaps are so empty that they need to belittle others so as to be comforted.
There is a variant of gossip, which I refer to as “clever talk.” In this third type of conversation, others, too, are ridiculed, but it is not meant seriously, but in a tongue-in-cheek manner. It is a form of humor making, in other words. Everything and everyone are subject to witty criticism and nothing is sacred in this type of conversation.
The best example of clever talk is Oxbridge High Table conversation between college fellows. There, the art of witty conversation is practiced as a fine art. I recall one of those conversations when I attended a High Table dinner at Merton College, Oxford, my alma mater, to which my tutor had invited me. He had reached into his breast pocket of his suit and took out a plastic bag. Then he cut his steak into half and put one of the halves into the bag, at the same time remarking, “My wife and dog will be pleased tonight!”
Finally, there is the conversation that I refer to as “soul talk.” This is a rare form of conversation, when one communicates to the other from the deepest part of one’s being. Here, one makes oneself vulnerable because in spilling one’s guts, one opens oneself to rejection. Here there are no pretenses, just complete openness.
This rare form of conversation may be found in moonlit nights at the beach, or even drunk at the bar. For some need the stimulation of intoxication to open up. But whatever the situation or the cause, if it happens, it is a truly wonderful experience, and it may lead to a romantic relationship or a lasting friendship. For in that joyful moment of communication, one truly connects with the other and one feels at one with the universe.
Life is not meaningful without this form of conversation. For no man is an island, and the need to connect with the other is not only fulfilling but fundamental. Without it, one loses one’s humanity. No friendship or marriage can exist absent it. For it sustains and nourishes, and renders life bearable to those who exist in unfortunate circumstances and all the more enriching to those whose lives are already blessed with joy and happiness.
http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2005/nov/27/yehey/opinion/20051127opi5.html Copyright (c) 2001 The Manila Times | Terms of Service |
